Dear Serolynne:
About six months ago my best friend and his wife let me know that she wanted to sleep with me, they didn’t set any ground rules before hand or make any requests about behavior it was mostly just a matter of “lets see where this leads”. Physically we’ve had a great deal of fun fairly often. Now, however, I’m starting to think that I’ve fallen in love with her and I’m not sure how to proceed. Up until now each next step in the relationship has been instigated by one of them, so it felt safe because I knew they’d discussed it before hand. The wife and I are really close friends, and spend a great deal of time together (in some weeks more time then she spends with her husband because he works really long hours). I’m just not sure if it’s something she’d be open to. She’s made it clear that she doesn’t want her children or her relatives(who’re also her neighbors) to know about us. The subject of emotions has just never come up. So I guess what I’m asking is this : do you have any advice on how I could bring up the subject?
Signed,
Are they Poly?
Dear Are they Poly?
I don’t think it’s a matter of finding out if they’re specifically aligned with the term polyamory, as it is to check in with them at this point as to where things have gone in this experiment they asked you to join in. Six months is a long enough time to have this conversation with them, and share where each of you are coming from. If you’re really close friends with them and you’ve been regularly sexual with them, hopefully bringing up the conversation will go smoother and more casually than your fear is intuiting it will be.
I know that it can be scary, especially the thought that they she may not reciprocate your feelings, or that bringing romantic love into the equation is more than they’re open to. However, keeping your feelings to yourself will only eat away at you, and it’s time to find out just where they intend to head with this. If it were me, I’d just ask them .. ‘So, how’s this arrangement of ours working for you guys?’
As a concern to ask yourself, assuming they are open to more of loving relationship with you, would you be comfortable pursuing this sort of relationship knowing that you’ll always be doing so a bit in hiding?
Best wishes,
- Serolynne