Dear Serolynne:
I’m curious about your thoughts regarding the privacy issues involved in sharing the names of previous partners. I can imagine in certain circumstances (especially if people are in the closet at work or something) that past or even current partners might prefer that you didn’t share their names with others. Do you list them by name, or is it more like “bisexual male” or something?
Signed,
- Privacy Concerned
Dear Privacy Concerned:
I would say that since you’re only sharing the information with people you’re involved with or are considering a sexual relationship with, thus they are assumed to be trusted people - that privacy is not a huge concern. Especially since polyamory is based on openness and honesty with your partners. It’s not like a sexual history is being publicly broadcasted, a part of your online dating profiles or something you hand to everyone you meet - it’s generally a pretty screened group of individuals.
That being said, you probably should discuss this issue with anyone you’re currently in a relationship with and anyone you might consider - to make sure they’re on the same page. It might even be worthwhile checking in with past partners if you’re still in contact with them. And in some cases, especially those that integrate in more casual sexual encounters, it may make sense to refer to some sexual encounters more generally.
For my personal situation, if someone isn’t comfortable having their name on my spreadsheet for future potential partners to see.. then that’s one factor that would make them ‘not tall enough to ride this ride’, as I expect a very high degree of openness amongst my loved ones. If someone changes their mind afterwards, I would be open to using just a first name and/or initials. But in general my definition of openness extends to having at least the names of the people I’ve been with available to anyone considering a sexual relationship with me.
All my best,
- Serolynne