Dear Serolynne:
I’m a single older gentleman. A couple of months ago I went on a cruise, and I met a delightful woman. She’s married and her husband was on the cruise with her. We hung out quite a bit and kept in touch afterwards, exchanging several nice e-mails. She and her husband have now invited me to come for a visit at their house later this spring.
While she hasn’t brought the subject of sex up, is it possible that she and her husband are inviting me to join them sexually during my visit? I’m curious about polyamory and group sex, so I’d be quite open to the idea. But I don’t want to offend them by asking if that’s not what they’re inviting me for.
Signed,
Courted?
Dear Courted:
Many people are not direct in their communication and intentions, which can make it very difficult to know exactly what to expect. It may be hard to tell if you are detecting a possible sexual openneness in her communications that is authentic, or if you are reading that through the filters of your curiosity of polyamory and group sex. I know that I would be uncomfortable traveling to visit someone not knowing what the intentions are of the visit.
It’s quite possible that this couple is not at all interested in group sexual situations, and simply finds your company pleasant and wishes to host you and show you their home. In that case, bringing up the subject directly could be offensive to them, and even potentially lose their friendship. My recommendation would be to start working the subject into conversations with your lady friend as you continue to get to know each other. Let her know that you’ve been researching about polyamory and considering if it is right for you. Perhaps talking to her about the people you’re meeting online for dating purposes and the difficulty of bringing the subject up, maybe even asking her advice on how to approach others about it?
Do it in a way that doesn’t convey that you’re looking to her and her husband for this purpose. This leaves the door open for her to reply in the affirmative if this is something they are interested in. If they’re not, then you can more properly set your expectations for your upcoming visit as being a strictly social call.
Safe travels,
- Serolynne
NO! Don’t say anything at all. If they want to “play” with you, you’ll find out soon enough. Just keep your trap shut and let things play out on their own.