Dear Serolynne:
My wife and I are both exploring polyamory, however she tends to be a bit more jealous and insecure. We’re both quite concerned about STDs and always use protection and proceed cautiously when having sexual encounters with others. I’m seeing a new woman, and I’d really like to become more involved with her. But my partner is not responding very well to it. I feel she’s using risks of STDs to thwart my relationship instead of dealing with any jealousy she might be experiencing. How do I get my partner to let me have sex with my new love interest?
- Ready to get it on
Dear Ready to get it on :
STDs are a reality that all sexually active folks have to contend with. You didn’t mention how long you’ve been seeing this new woman, but maybe it’s going too fast for your wife to come up to speed with. Have they met and had the opportunity to spend time getting to know each other? By allowing your wife to become comfortable with your new sweetie, you give them both a chance to build respect for each other. Also, have you done a full sexual health and history exchange with this new potential partner? Having real risk factors to evaluate may be helpful for all involved.
Your wife may also be feeling that this new woman does present increased risk factors sexually. While STD concerns shouldn’t be used to cover up dealing with jealousy, they are a serious issue to address upfront. Your wife has a responsibilty to herself to protect her health and know what risks she’s taking on. However, it is also possible that little red and yellow flags of jealousy are cropping up as STD concerns. Use this opportunity to fully discuss any concerns your wife has about this new potential sweetie, and you may find that giving her space to express her concerns goes a long way to bridging the unknown.
Best wishes,
- Serolynne
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