Hi Serolynne,
I would like your advice about a new poly relationship I am in. I am in a V.
On Saturday night, while I was at a dinner party with my guy, his other partner called him from out of town visiting her mother. She knew we were at my friends’ house for dinner, yet she decided to interrupt our date with some trivial chit chat, wanted to know if the new dryer had been delivered that day, and what did we do the day before, etc…..
I thought that was inappropriate to call during our date. She did not need to use the dryer as she was out of town for 4 days, yet chose prime time Sat night to call.
If I set a boundary and ask that she not call during a date unless it was urgent or really important, she will say that I am jealous or controlling.
What do you suggest? Is it unreasonable to request that my partner’s other partner not call during our dates?
Thanks
Serena
Dear Serena…
If this is just an isolated incident, I’d say to let it pass. It’s sort of special circumstances that his primary was out of town. She may have been feeling a bit lonely and needing of connection with him while away from home, especially knowing he was out on a date with someone he’s developing a new relationship with. Sure, the timing may not have been the best, but compassion for the situation will gain you a lot of trust with her as you further your relationship with your new sweetie.
If it continues, and you find she’s frequently finding ways to casually interrupt your time with your mutual sweetie, then it’s probably a really good idea to have a chat with all three of you and make sure you’re on firm understanding about the boundaries of your respective relationships.
Also, in this case, I’d be more questioning why my new boyfriend took the call and spent so much time on ‘chit chat’ while on a date with me, rather than worrying about whether his partner had ulterior motives in making the call in the first place.
Best wishes,
- Serolynne
